Happy to report that yesterday was a much better day than the day before. You have no idea how many times I wanted to delete the last post. How much I regretted (who knew regretted had two t’s? not me) pushing that “publish” button. My very dear friend sent me a text almost immediately and that was all it took. Y’all, it had been a bad day. Actually, a bad two weeks. I burst into tears as soon as I saw her sweet, encouraging words. I then called husband and cried on the phone with him. Then I called my mom and cried on the phone with her. It took mom no time at all to tell me that she was on her way to my house to keep me company. (for those that don’t know, husband works 4 hours away)
I quickly calmed down, called husband back and had a rational discussion with him and even laughed. Mom got to my house and we talked some more. She ended up spending the night. I re-read the blog post and decided it wasn’t that bad, but as my friend said: It was raw.
I woke up yesterday morning, got ready to run a few errands and promptly locked myself out of the house. Some of you might ask how that happens, others that know me may not be all that surprised. I had my purse, phone, and car keys, walked out the door, closed the door, remembered something inside, walked back to go into the house and the door knob had locked. Pretty sure it locked all on its own somehow. At least that’s my story. I had to facetime husband to figure out how to break into our house. I had just about given up, walked around the exterior to check to see if any windows were unlocked, which they weren’t, went back to the garage one more time to attempt my break-in and voila! Just like that I was back in the house.
I finished my errands, came home, fixed lunch, took lunch to mom to have a picnic in her office, and then left to do a little clothes shopping. Another thing they don’t really tell you about infertility treatments is the weight gain. Not very exciting and a big downer on your self-esteem, which already might be lacking. Between the hormones, steroids and another medication in which main side effect is weight gain, I have gained 20 pounds since December/January. Another thing that isn’t so great for the self-esteem?? Putting on 10 pairs of pants from your closet that no longer fit. Happy to report that I have a mini wardrobe to last until I get serious again and get into the gym. Topped off my afternoon with a pedicure and then went out for happy hour with another good friend of mine. What a complete turn-around from the day before!
My day was made even better when a friend from my hometown sent a message via Facebook that she had added a friend to the group I have that chronicles our journey. I know I take a risk putting myself out there and sharing our journey makes be vulnerable to both positive and negative feedback, but here is one reason that I share all this. If I can help even just one person, then it is all worth it. Here is the sweet message I received:
“And also…I have 2 very close friends who have started fertility treatments in the past couple of months, who I added to the group. One of them sent me a sweet message this morning…I texted her last night to tell her I added her and hoped she didn’t mind, but that I thought she would find your posts encouraging and that she’s not alone. This morning she told me she couldn’t text back last night because she was swamped in tears (both happy and sad) from reading your posts, and thanked me for adding her! I don’t have experience in that arena, so they both have felt warmth from you sharing your struggles. Just wanted to let you know it is appreciated! God is using your journey in some powerful ways!”
Whew! All the chills and all the feels! Don’t worry, I got my friend’s permission before sharing her message. I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed that God use me. Use our story. As painful as this journey can be some days, a day like yesterday occurs. I also had breakfast with a family member this morning who shared a struggle she has faced and through her tears, she thanked me for being so open. She made the comment that she felt her struggle was so little compared to mine. Not true! Like I said in the last post: pain and struggles are all relative and very personal. We aren’t all going to face the same things and thank goodness for that!
Reminder for today: tomorrow is a new day!