The struggle of infertility is a roller coaster. There are so many ups and downs. If you happen to be experiencing anxiety or depression, the roller coaster might feel a bit more extreme.
For me, it seems that one day is good and the next day may be bad. Good and bad are both relative terms. My bad might not be so bad for you…etc. We all have a different threshold for physical and mental pain. What I’m trying to say is that your pain matters. My pain matters.
My heart isn’t really in this post. I came on here to type about a different subject, but this is what my fingers started to type. I know there is a person out there that needs to hear this. We wouldn’t be normal if we only had good days. My mom mentioned the other day that she would be worried about me if I didn’t experience the bad days after having experienced all that we have.
I’m in the midst of the pain, so I don’t feel like I have any amazing wisdom impart; however, if you are stuffing in your pain, it might be time to feel your feelings. Easier said than done. It took me, a therapist, 5 years to start letting some of this pain surface. Do as I say, not as I do. I can’t tell you the amount of feedback I would give teens, parents, and individuals as they faced their own trials while I ignored mine.
I definitely feel that I am on the road to recovery emotionally. Even the bad days don’t feel as bad as they have in the past. I guess that’s something else I’d want you to know if you are having a bad day too – that it does actually get better, but it sucks until then. I’ve counseled people through the “process” of getting to a better place and here I am now – in the thick of it.
I think it took me so long to ask for help because I am the help. How can ask for help when it is usually others coming to me? I felt shame in that. I know that I am not the first therapist to deal with their own emotions, just as I’m sure oncologists get cancer and a fire starts in a firefighter’s home.
This post is all over the place. That’s kind of how my brain works. I’ll leave you with a few verses on trial that I read in my devotional In Due Time by Caroline Harries: