Today was a bad day. Just bad. I woke up, had quiet time and then did part of a Beth Moore Bible Study I’m doing with my church. I got ready to go and headed that way. Not a bad start. Something hit me in the study. Not sure if it was during the video recording of Beth (we’re on a first name basis) or if it was during the group discussion afterward, but my anxiety started creeping in. I was barely able to contain tears the last part and rushed out as soon as we closed. In the parking lot, I focused on deep breathing and when I sat in the car, I let it go. Let go of the facade that everything was okay. I let myself feel my feelings.
Called husband and even though it sounded busy in the background (he’s on a construction site 4 hours away) as soon as he heard my voice asking him if he could talk, it was as if there was no one else in the world but the two of us. He is my hero in all of this. I can call him anytime in the day and he makes sure to take a few minutes to talk. It’s not that I’m calling him daily with a crisis. This has just happened a few times outside of our normal daily calls in the evening. But today, I needed him and he made himself available.
My sister in law (his sister) is pregnant. We are all over the moon happy for her and her husband, but I may have taken on a little too much in the baby shower responsibility realm. The shower is in 3.5 days and there is quite a bit I have not even started. As I was running through my list of things to do, husband quietly listened and then he patiently told me “You don’t have to do any of that.” Whoosh! What a weight that was lifted. I insisted that I could do it all, that I was just having a moment, but he told me that if I didn’t get to it today, that he would call his mom and work it out. See!! My hero!
This is nothing new…I frequently take on more than I can handle. I think its because I’m an optimist and I am sure (at the time of responsibility taking) that I will be able to get it all done. This is a little different in that it has to do with a baby. A pregnancy. Something that I have hoped for and prayed for my entire life, but especially in the last 5 years as we have experienced infertility, 6 losses, procedures, needles, tests, with “Not yet” being the answer.
In that moment earlier today, husband said exactly what I needed to hear. He didn’t tell me I was over-reacting. He didn’t tell me that it would all work out, that I just needed to calm down. He told me that it wasn’t something I HAD to do. I know the shower will go off without a hitch if I don’t get things spray painted or put a few cute craft projects together. My solution is to calm down about it and take it all with me to husband’s hometown since I’ll be there a day and a half before the shower and have his mom help (Debbie, if you’re reading this right now…meant to call, but had this blog post idea and wanted to type it out.)
Husband and I will be celebrating out 10th anniversary in a few months. Marriage is constantly a work in progress, but husband rocked this situation! He knew what to say and when to say it. I love him for that and told him so on the phone call. Infertility is a mess, but I am so blessed to have such a great support system in my husband, my family, and husband’s family.