It has been almost a month since the last update. I’m trying to work backwards to get everything current. Today will be a marathon post day.

It was an easy morning today. Was not able to sleep in much, despite not getting much rest last night. My mom planned on driving me down to the place for the infusion and arrived at my house about 10:45am and we left by 11:ooam. It was very foggy in Houston today, but the drive was uneventful. We arrived to the location about 10 minutes before my appointment.

We had the place to ourselves. The set up was a nice tidy room with about 5 overstuffed leather recliners. The intralipids were still a little cold even though the bag had been sitting out for a while to warm up a bit. A very sweet nurse named Frankie was going to be in charge today. She got everything prepped and ready to go. There was a ton paperwork to go thru. Finally she was able to start the IV infusion. The intralipids are a white liquid. It basically looks like they are pumping milk straight into your vein.

The IV bag is connected to a pump that regulates how quickly the IV enters your system. The doctor’s instructions were for the bag to be given over 2 hours of time. Mom and I found a channel we wanted to watch, sat back and hung out. I had the IV in my left arm and a blood pressure cuff on my right arm. My blood pressure was taken every 30 minutes. I was busy texting friends and family and the time sped by.

Mom and I headed back to The Woodlands with a stop at le Madeleine’s. I was shaky after the infusion, but enjoyed a cup of decaf coffee anyways. It was close to 5pm by the time we got back to my house. Mom spent the night that night.

The next morning was rough. I was having a lot of anxiety and also had a phone appointment with my reproductive psychiatrist. This is something that I have not mentioned on the blog before, but I have been treated for anxiety and depression for about 2 years now. I was not coping well with the 4 losses that husband and I had experienced and finally talked to the PA at my OBGYN’s office. I had been taking a very small dose of anti-depressant for 2 years that had just touched the tip of my emotional needs.

I began seeing a reproductive psychiatrist back in June of this year and she has increased my medication 3x and I am finally at a point where I feel more like myself. It has been 4-5 years since I have felt this well. I cannot stress enough to ask for help when you need it. Y’all, I am in this field. I am a counselor and marriage and family therapist and figured it would just go away. I have worked closely with a psychiatrist weekly for the last 2 years with some of my patients, but I was so resistant for help. There is absolutely no shame in this.

I had to go in to work for a mandatory meeting. I had been crying on the phone with the psychiatrist and she validated my feelings saying that that with the amount of medication that I was on, it was no wonder that my emotions were all over the place. She prescribed a prn medication for anxiety that should kick in within 15-20 minutes of taking it. I had told her that I had missed several days of work in the last few weeks due to being unable to keep my emotions together. I came home after the meeting and was a wreck.

All. Over. The. Place.

I felt completely out of control and I was not liking it one bit. This was the night my mom decided to move in. It was bad y’all. This journey is difficult, but even more so this 3rd IVF round because husband’s job has him 4 hours away. There was no way I was going back to work and I had a rough night as well. These fertility treatments take such an emotional and physical toll.