infusion #2 — January 4, 2017

infusion #2

2 weeks after the first infusion, I needed to have the second. I also had to have a fatty acids panel run. I think this had to do with the intralipids, but I’m not entirely sure.

Houston traffic will never cease to amaze me. On the way to the infusion site, I came upon an accident that had to have happened 30 seconds before. It was a fender bender, but several vehicles were involved. I carefully wove my may around and went on my way. About a minute later, two of the cars involved in the accident came speeding around myself and other drivers, recklessly weaving through traffic. One appeared to be chasing the other. Finally, the one being chased pulled over, rolled down their windows, and stuck their hands up in defeat.

My drive lasted about 10 more minutes. I soon arrived. Frankie was there and was going to be administering the infusion again. She was, again, as sweet as could be. It was December 20th and the transfer was scheduled for the next day. This infusion took 3 hours because the pump was set up incorrectly, as the infusion was supposed to be administered within 2 hours. I’m hooked on a show on Netflix right now and was able to get in about 3 episodes. I was a pretty chilly day outside and Frankie had apple cider she offered me.

I headed back to work and arrived around 2:30pm. There were doctor appointments to sit in on and then I wrapped up everything on my desk, sending several emails of instruction to the other adolescent therapist for the next few days, as I was scheduled to be on bed rest the 21st thru the 23rd.

I arrived home about 7pm and cleaned the house. Husband was headed home to be at the transfer the next morning. It was a busy, but fulfilling day. Ready to lounge around the next three days…

pills, patches, injections —

pills, patches, injections

I’m not sure that one can truly prepare oneself for IVF. I began this journey fairly naively, thinking that I would have a baby by now.

Not just the IVF journey, but our journey to have a family. This month marks 5 years since we began trying to have a baby. Husband and I are in our 10th year of marriage and both happily employed in careers we love. We have worked hard to get where we are.

It’s not fair. Period.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but it does become more and more difficult to continue to be happy for others who have what I want so badly. I am happy for them, but sad for us at the same time. I’m pretty sure I’ve typed that exact sentence in a previous post. I don’t mean to sound like a broken record.

Anyways. It is all overwhelming. I think I’ve counted up to 28 pills, three shots, and two patches all in one day. The timing of them all is very important, as some are taken on an empty stomach and others must be taken with food. Shots need to be given within an hour of the same time each day. Oh, and I have to lead a regular life and go to work in the midst of everything.

It is quite the juggle.

I hold on to the hope that one day this will be all worth it. I know it will. I’m just caught up in the meantime, which is a sucky time.

I saw this and it encouraged me today. Thought I would share:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;

His mercies never come to an end;

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,

“Therefore I will hope in Him.”

~Lamentations 3


infusion #1 — January 3, 2017

infusion #1

It has been almost a month since the last update. I’m trying to work backwards to get everything current. Today will be a marathon post day.

It was an easy morning today. Was not able to sleep in much, despite not getting much rest last night. My mom planned on driving me down to the place for the infusion and arrived at my house about 10:45am and we left by 11:ooam. It was very foggy in Houston today, but the drive was uneventful. We arrived to the location about 10 minutes before my appointment.

We had the place to ourselves. The set up was a nice tidy room with about 5 overstuffed leather recliners. The intralipids were still a little cold even though the bag had been sitting out for a while to warm up a bit. A very sweet nurse named Frankie was going to be in charge today. She got everything prepped and ready to go. There was a ton paperwork to go thru. Finally she was able to start the IV infusion. The intralipids are a white liquid. It basically looks like they are pumping milk straight into your vein.

The IV bag is connected to a pump that regulates how quickly the IV enters your system. The doctor’s instructions were for the bag to be given over 2 hours of time. Mom and I found a channel we wanted to watch, sat back and hung out. I had the IV in my left arm and a blood pressure cuff on my right arm. My blood pressure was taken every 30 minutes. I was busy texting friends and family and the time sped by.

Mom and I headed back to The Woodlands with a stop at le Madeleine’s. I was shaky after the infusion, but enjoyed a cup of decaf coffee anyways. It was close to 5pm by the time we got back to my house. Mom spent the night that night.

The next morning was rough. I was having a lot of anxiety and also had a phone appointment with my reproductive psychiatrist. This is something that I have not mentioned on the blog before, but I have been treated for anxiety and depression for about 2 years now. I was not coping well with the 4 losses that husband and I had experienced and finally talked to the PA at my OBGYN’s office. I had been taking a very small dose of anti-depressant for 2 years that had just touched the tip of my emotional needs.

I began seeing a reproductive psychiatrist back in June of this year and she has increased my medication 3x and I am finally at a point where I feel more like myself. It has been 4-5 years since I have felt this well. I cannot stress enough to ask for help when you need it. Y’all, I am in this field. I am a counselor and marriage and family therapist and figured it would just go away. I have worked closely with a psychiatrist weekly for the last 2 years with some of my patients, but I was so resistant for help. There is absolutely no shame in this.

I had to go in to work for a mandatory meeting. I had been crying on the phone with the psychiatrist and she validated my feelings saying that that with the amount of medication that I was on, it was no wonder that my emotions were all over the place. She prescribed a prn medication for anxiety that should kick in within 15-20 minutes of taking it. I had told her that I had missed several days of work in the last few weeks due to being unable to keep my emotions together. I came home after the meeting and was a wreck.

All. Over. The. Place.

I felt completely out of control and I was not liking it one bit. This was the night my mom decided to move in. It was bad y’all. This journey is difficult, but even more so this 3rd IVF round because husband’s job has him 4 hours away. There was no way I was going back to work and I had a rough night as well. These fertility treatments take such an emotional and physical toll.