I had a panic attack Thursday. A full blown attack.

I was reviewing protocol, doctor appointments, and schedules with Husband on the phone as I drove to work.

Let me back up. From the moment I woke up, I felt off. I can’t really explain it, but it was not my normal. It was anxiety from the time I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling that morning.

So, back to the drive to work…I was about a block away and I just started hyperventilating and became tearful. I told Husband: I think I’m having a panic attack. He told me to pull over. I didn’t. I was almost to the parking lot. Then I told him my head was all tingly. He asked where I was and I told him I was just pulling into a parking place. I was trembling, crying, rapid breathing, light-headed…all the symptoms I talk to my kids about.

Once I had calmed down and got off the phone with Husband, I called my boss, who was at a different location that day. She went through some breathing and visualization exercises with me. She told me to go to Starbucks. Caffeine was the last thing I needed, but I did call my mom. The crying began, but not a full blown thing again. I met her back at my house and we talked.

She had a meeting to get back to, so I chilled for a while at the house and then made my way back to the office. I had family group that night and already knew what I was going to do. Every time I thought I had regained my composure, something would set me off again. I gave instructions to my intern and the other adolescent therapist, apologized profusely, and then went to the grocery store to wander around in search of items I needed.

My mother in law came in to town for a meeting and was planning to stay at my house. We made dinner together, talked, and then watched Gilmore Girls together. It was exactly what I needed.

Work was much better on Friday.

I got the phone call we had been waiting for…