When I share about what has been going on this cycle I have been asked if I am excited. That is a loaded question. I could say yes, but more than anything I am anxious. Not a happy anxious, as in looking forward to something, but more of a scared anxious. I try so hard to guard myself from disappointment. While that might sound negative to some, I can tell you that I have been tempted to start looking online or at Pinterest for baby stuff. I have begun considering names again. That’s about as excited as I allow myself to get. Keep in mind those two things are still only what I have allowed myself to think about. I have not even talked out loud about this.
I have seen some really creative ways people have incorporated miscarriage, rainbow baby, or infertility in posts or pictures. The picture below came to mind last night. I was reluctant at first. I questioned whether I was putting my hope and faith into medicine rather than in the One who breathes life into us all. I continued to think about it more on the drive to work and the inner conflict I was experiencing in whether or not to post a picture because of how it might be interpreted.
Infertility is a medical diagnosis.
You would not tell someone who had diabetes, cancer, heart problems, asthma, or a multiple of other medical issues to just pray about it. You would not tell them to just think positive or that their bodies will somehow just figure it out. You would want them to seek medical attention. This is a discussion that comes up often when I speak to other women about infertility. Yes, there are moral dilemmas with certain treatments, but that is not exclusive to infertility. While my faith is in God, I also know that He has given wisdom and intelligence to men and women to expand their research and knowledge so that people like me can lead happy and healthy lives.
Without an infertility diagnosis, I would not know about the multiple issues that I have including endometriosis, hypothyroid, and MTHFR. All of which can lead to issues later in life not even related to fertility.
While I am grateful that those issues have been discovered and can be dealt with, I am even more grateful for the increase in faith I have experienced. I am grateful for the relationships that have been made and that will continue to be made as I pursue an opportunity to begin a support group for other women.
I’ve said it before and I will say it again: the best thing you can do, in my opinion, for the women in your life who are experiencing infertility is to love them. Listen to them. If they are not ready to talk, that’s okay. Silence is okay. Tears are okay. Be present.
If you are experiencing infertility yourself, give yourself compassion. Love yourself. Listen to yourself. If you are not ready to talk, that’s okay. Silence is okay. Tears are okay. Be present.