Today was the second day of my cycle. Sorry if that’s TMI, but I’d like to point out that you are reading a blog where the author posts about infertility and IVF. It is what life has become. 

I called my doctor’s office and went in for a blood draw. Just 2 vials today, compared to the 17 last week. This was for the ovarian assessment report. The labs had to be drawn on day 2, 3, or 4 of my cycle. I called the representative in Massachusetts this morning and let her know to be expecting them in the mail tomorrow. 

Again, I did not have to wait long to be called back. They knew I was on my way. Apparently this is all new to them too, as the last 2 visits I’ve had both phlebotomists and a nurse looking through the box and deciphering the instructions. I get it though. It’s nice to have a break from the every-day-routine. 

I never thought it would get to this point. I really thought going to see a specialist was overkill. Even after 4 miscarriages. I think that hope has been what keeps me going. Or I’m just naive. Can you be too much of an optimist? 

I think I’ve shared in a previous blog post that I was so ready to be embarrassed when the first clomid cycle was successful. Except it wasn’t. Neither was the second or third attempt. 

And here we are, 2 cycles of IVF later. Still no baby. 

Someone I work with told me I was brave today. I immediately responded that I have to other choice.

I keep going because if I stop, there will be no result. My desire is to build my family. Still not entirely sure what that will look like, where it will take us, or what it will involve, but I know it will happen. 

I went to a monthly support group tonight with the husband. I had not been since last September. This was his first time to attend. I recognized one person and met two new people. It was a great group. One thing that I was reminded of tonight was when the therapist who leads the group spoke about a time when we will be able to look back on this time and know that it was worth the struggle. Unfortunately, we do not have that advantage currently. The struggle is what we know. We are living in the struggle now, and it is difficult to see beyond where we are.