the wait {part 1} — April 30, 2015

the wait {part 1}

Many of you know the significance of me starting a blog yesterday titled “Finding Joy in this Journey.”

I’ll be sharing about a lot of things on this blog, but there is one thing on my mind right now. IVF. In Vitro Fertilization. Ugh.

It all started mid January. Three and a half months ago. Weekly (sometimes 2-3 times a week) appointments began for blood work and checking the lining of my uterus. Everything was looking good. Next step was the stimulation drugs. I gave daily shots to myself, and, yes, I am proud of that, although at this point I was a pro because of the shots I had to give myself during the 3 rounds of clomid. I am not afraid to let you know that my hand was badly shaking the first time I attempted to give myself a shot next to my belly button.

After the shots were over, it was time for the retrieval. We went to the surgery center on a Wednesday morning nervous and excited. I was given general anesthesia, but the procedure was very quick…about 15 minutes. When I woke up, Ross was already by my side and they let me know that 6 eggs had been retrieved.

The next step was fertilization. They called a day or two later to let us know that out of the six eggs, 5 had fertilized. We opted to do genetic testing on the embryos once they reached day 5. This was highly suggested to us due to the multiple miscarriages we had experienced. Most likely the miscarriages were due to genetic abnormalities.

We received another phone call letting us know that out of the 5 eggs that had fertilized, 4 had made it to the stage where they could be biopsied for the genetic testing. The remaining 4 embryos were cryogenically frozen and we waited a few weeks for the results from the testing to come back. Out of the four embryos we had, just 1 was healthy.

We were excited. One baby.

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where to start? —

where to start?

I’ve always thought it would be interesting to be a writer. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve attempted to start a journal, only to pick up that journal and realize it’s been three years since my last entry. I’m a reader and always have been. I have read the blogs of so many others, but have never gone so far as to publishing my own thoughts, aside from the occasional Facebook status update. Believe me…even now, as I write this, I am reconsidering this whole blog thing and I have not even finished my first post.

I think I have something to share, now I just have to step out of my comfort zone and see if I have the guts to share it. This blog may be boring to some. It won’t be flashy and exciting, but I want it to be real. And there is a very real possibility that this could be my only post. Ever. But I hope not. I hope that I will be finding joy in this journey often and sharing with others. Not to boast, but to encourage. I have found joy on happy days, but joy is always there waiting for me to discover on the sad days, too. Those are the days we need joy the most and it could be difficult to find through the pain, tears and emotions.

Today, of all days, I choose JOY.